How do you embrace transformation and personal growth?

Miranda is 43 years old, never married, no children but has recently met a guy and started a relationship. She works full time in retail.

In my first session with Miranda she shared that she was feeling stuck in life, lost, and like time was passing her by. Like she was no longer “living” life but rather in a holding pattern and just surviving.

She said she really wanted this new relationship to work as opposed to past short ones. Her work in retail was never what she pictured doing. But did not know what her “thing” was yet.

She really wanted to figure out what her place or her “gift” was she said. She talked about starting over, maybe a new job in something completely different but was tired of searching. So she felt this need to totally re-invent herself. Possibly even move house.

* As her counsellor I knew from experience and my work that often people who are struggling and believe the answer is to start over in a big way, they are either feeling trapped or running from something. Perhaps a past traumatic event, or even running from themselves.

We did a lot of talking and Miranda was very generous and wanting to go deep with her feelings. Over the next five sessions, and many tears, she opened up.

She saw that her self-image was an old image of herself that was no longer serving her. She was clinging to this because she was developmentally stuck at that point in time when the traumatic event happened. The event was a case of her being unfaithful to her partner as she had an affair with another man. So she saw herself as untrustworthy and a cheater. She was feeling enormous guilt over this and had buried self-loathing. Deep down she felt as though she no longer deserved happiness. Hence, she never could or would commit to a relationship after this. So she had been self-sabotaging each one.

Her self image, self identity and self belief needed building back up. And most importantly, she needed to forgive herself in order to GROW. And to gain a stronger sense of self worth, confidence and move forward emotionally.

At my suggestion she did some question and answer writing exercises and together we went back in time in order to to heal her past self. She also began daily visualisations and affirmations that helped her on her way to forgiving herself and regaining her sense of self moving forward. And Miranda kept talking while I listened.

In order to put herself in new situations and explore and boost her worth, confidence and expand her identity Miranda joined new groups, whilst still keeping her current job.

She also discovered a love of yoga at a local studio.

Session Progress: At session eight: (5 months into therapy)

She said she felt stronger and no longer “stuck”. She believed she had loosened the grip of the traumatic event and was able to recognise the guilt we had unpacked that she hadn’t realised was there. She stated that she “liked herself more”.

She said she will keep up the visualisation practice.

She is currently still in the same relationship. Miranda decided to begin a yoga teaching course.

She is currently working in the same job.

Took a break from our sessions after session 8.

* Therefore, what Miranda thought she came in for, ended up being something else, a deeper issue. And because she was willing to put the work in she discovered more about herself.

On her healing path.