The couples process. Pt 1.

Couples counselling is very challenging if done in the right way and over more than two sessions. (6-10 is best). It should be challenging. There is no growth or transformation without pain. So that also goes for “relationship”. A tip I give my clients, is to see it as another entity outside of each of you. Relationship is not you or your partner but a third ball outside of you. You have created it but it is independent. Then it is easier to understand that it needs regular attention, nuturing and change and it also needs to evolve just like any other living entity with energy.

Seeing it as independent makes it easier to understand that it is less about blame during difficult times and more about looking inwards. Do you need to do some internal work? Or do you need to express your needs more and learn better communication. Perhaps your boundaries need to be developed and your assertiveness needs to become stronger. A lot of times there are unexpressed feelings around an issue that have been suppressed, and this has created resentment.

So one question is- How can you contribute to changing the dynamic? Both of you need to consider this.

Remember- No one is right or wrong. It is not a blame game.

Within the work is improving communication through this growth process. Of course the more skilled your communication the easier conflict will be managed. And this is something you get better at with practice.

I work with a lot of clients to improve communication. Every couple is different and what path we take depends on their specific dynamic. Also the patterns, self beliefs, trauma, childhood modeling etc they each bring to “relationship”. Often too there are some buckets of resentment built up that are then “flung as mud’ during emotional moments. We work on how to empty or clear these buckets and prevent them filling again.

Contact me now to book a couples session.